smart shanghai...

17 mai 2006

2-3 veritée vraies tirée du mag IN de shanghai!!

The Local-er"

1. Fashion a bed out of a quilt and your scooter and catch up on some
ZZZs on the sidewalk outside your apartment building.

2. Stare unashamedly at anyone and anything that looks like they're a
different nationality from you. Ideally crash your bike in the
process.

3. Try to fit as many massive water bottles on the back of your bike,
and balance at all the traffic intersections without toppling over.

4. Wear your pyjamas in the day (with stilettos) to display the wealth
of your husband (no actual husband required, just a good nighty).

5. Take out your mobile on a crowded bus and screech "WEI? WEI?!!" so
loud you start to give yourself a headache.

6. Next time you sneak out for a disceet fag, squat with a friendly
neighbour to give your tired legs a rest.

7. Throw open your living room windows set up a sign and sell IP cards
and cigarettes from the comfort of your couch.

8. Go to a crazily expensive club, demand a table, drink Chivas and
green tea, pout and whatever you do don't even think about dancing.

9. Start growing a nail – pick the most promising and groom it until
it is almost as long as your pinky...

Ou comment se moque de soi meme:

"The Laowai-er"

1. Wear sunglasses, all the time, rain or shine – especially on the
darkened metro… at night… in winter.

2. Repeat the name of your road in every single mandarin tone (except
the right one) while getting inappropriately frustrated

3. Go to a pharmacy and try to explain that you need constipation
medicine without using a single word – actions and pictures are
however encouraged...

4. Always look the wrong way when crossing the road and see how many
times you can get run over in one day, extra points for a variety of
collisions – bikes, cars, fruit carts…

5. Get completely wasted and try to make best friends with your
doorman in broken, drunken Mandarin.

6. Wait for a cab for an hour, eventually get on a motorbike taxi,
scream bloody murder all the way home and kiss the ground in glee at
your unexpected safe arrival.

7. Buy every 7rmb DVD imaginable just because you can, and proceed to
waste many a sunny Shanghai day in a darkened room trying to get
through them all.

8. Drink so much you fall into a deep and impenetrable sleep at some
random bar, wake up in the venue the next morning at 10am only to find
that the polite (yet terrified) cleaners have subtly tidied up around
you.

9. Spend the whole of Saturday getting a "real" Shanghai experience –
sitting in Starbucks with imported vogue and a double, skinny extra
hot soya latte.

10. Spend 3000rmb on a hot new bike and refuse to shell out the extra
50 on the lock and be amazed when it is stolen 24 hours later – then
get on the bus shame-faced and pissed off.